Dear Allah
Please allow me to see this moment as a remembrance that I always have You.
It's been a long time since I feel so hopeless - yet every time I felt like this, it always regarding my relationship with someone or a group of people.
I seek for back up, I seek for someone who can give me comfort. Unluckily, I have no one who I can trust to solve this case. This case is way too complicated that I'm thinking the only way this can solve is by I'm moving out.
I recently have a thought "Why should I stay kind? Why cannot I put a revenge back, in the name of self defense? Look at those people who were giving you such a hard time - they are living well!". Then I suddenly remember, that the main objective I do all these things is for the sake of You.
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The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no gentleness in a thing but it adorns it, and the absence of gentleness in anything makes it ugly.” Narrated by Muslim, 4698.
And he (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said to Ashajj ‘Abdul Qays: “You have two characteristics which Allaah loves, forbearance and deliberation.” Narrated by Muslim, 24.
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However, I keep question, what if I loose and my pride is hurt?
Then I know that Your answer will be "this is the right way from Allah. Allah just save you from whatever bad things that you don't know yet. You're doing the right thing by keeping it the Islamic way."
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After wrote all the sentences above, I feel relax. I know what's decided to be mine will be mine anyway.
And in the end, if I put too much effort and emotion on this issue.. Let's get back to the primary questions, "Apa sih yang gue cari dari memenangkan hal ini?"
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https://open.spotify.com/episode/2TptLTokL4xQNPsF7Rp3yd?si=SIzUWpF2T-uH11LtfV8_GQ&utm_source=copy-link
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